LEGO Brand Retail
May 282010
 

I don’t like this feeling.

I don’t like feeling.

I feel strange. I can feel everything happening in my body.

I feel weak. Nauseous.

I can fell my heart beating in my chest.

I can feel every breath I take. Especially the ones I don’t take. My chest feels heavy. It is hard to breath. I feel out of breath when all I am doing is lying here.

I can feel my throat. I can feel the breath as it moves down my throat. How can air get caught in your throat? My tongue feels like it is pushing on the back of my throat. Pushing it closed.

I feel my head, the weight of my head. Yet I am light headed?

I feel my arms and legs. Feel them feel as if they are useless or not even there. Tingly but not tingly. Weak.

Remember to breath.

My stomach is empty yet I feel it working. Digesting. Gurgling. Pushing nothingness into my bowels, bowels that bubble and twist.

Headache.

I can feel my eyes moving about in their sockets. I feel every blink.

I feel like a stranger in my own body.

I want to go back to not feeling any of this as it happens, to blissfully feel nothing as my body works.

I don’t like this feeling.

I don’t like feeling.

May 272010
 

Of course when they called and told me my blood work was back and everything was okay except I had a high SED rate, I had no idea what that could mean and they did not explain it to me either. Thank goodness for WebMD.com (maybe), where I got an explanation even if it wasn’t exactly promising.

From WebMD.com…

Sedimentation Rate

The sedimentation rate (sed rate) blood test measures how quickly red blood cells (erythrocytes) settle in a test tube in one hour. The more red cells that fall to the bottom of the test tube in one hour, the higher the sed rate.

When inflammation is present in the body, certain proteins cause red blood cells to stick together and fall more quickly than normal to the bottom of the tube. These proteins are produced by the liver and the immune system under many abnormal conditions, such as an infection, an autoimmune disease, or cancer.

There are many possible causes of a high sedimentation rate. For this reason, a sed rate is done with other tests to confirm a diagnosis. After a diagnosis has been made, a sed rate can be done to help check on the disease or see how well treatment is working.
Why It Is Done

A sedimentation rate (sed rate) test is done to:

* Find out if inflammation is present.
* Check on the progress of a disease.
* See how well a treatment is working.

High sedimentation rates may be caused by:

And their definition of autoimmune wasn’t very promising either….

Autoimmune disease

The immune system is the body’s defense against foreign substances, such as bacteria or viruses, that may be harmful. An autoimmune disease is an abnormal condition that occurs when a person’s immune system attacks its own tissues as though they were foreign substances.

* Normally, when a foreign substance enters the body, the immune system creates special cells to attack and destroy the foreign substance. These cells include antibodies and white blood cells (lymphocytes).
* In a person with an autoimmune disease, the immune system recognizes some of the person’s own tissues as foreign substances. The body makes antibodies and other cells that attack and destroy these tissues. This process often leads to inflammation and eventually, if it continues, scarring and destruction of the organs that are made up of those tissues.

Why the body attacks its own cells is not known. Autoimmune diseases include lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, scleroderma, and Sjogren’s syndrome. Certain types of diabetes and thyroid disease are related to autoimmune reactions. People who have autoimmune diseases are at an increased risk for infections.

May 272010
 

Foods I can never have ever again.

(Raw): cherry, nectarine, celery, carrots, banana, apple, tomato, potato, orange, grapefruit, pineapple

(Cooked): soybean (any Soy), apple, clam, oyster, lobster, shrimp, mixed fish, crab, peanuts, almonds (All nuts), mustard, carrot, potato.

Items in bold are new. Might even be more, these are just the touch them again and u could die list.

May 172010
 

I hate this feeling.

Hopeless.

Helpless.

I don’t want to feel this. Some think I like feeling like this. That I like the attention.

Not true.

There is no attention to be had. This is a very lonely process. I don’t share my feelings until it is nearly too late.

I have learned a long time ago to keep my mouth shut and just suck it all deep inside until I find myself crying alone in the dark.

Unable to sleep.

Unable to think.

Knot in my chest making it hard to breath. While the lump in my throat makes it hard to swallow.

Swallow what my pride? Self worth? Dignity? I don’t have any of those things.

I just want the blackness to take me but sleep eludes me even after taking something to help me.

Is there help for me?

Helpless.

Hopeless.

Worthless.

Soon the pain in my head starts to match the pain in my soul.

Physical pain to match the emotional pain.

I am broken beyond repair.