I Don’t Want to Feel This Way

I hate this feeling.

Hopeless.

Helpless.

I don’t want to feel this. Some think I like feeling like this. That I like the attention.

Not true.

There is no attention to be had. This is a very lonely process. I don’t share my feelings until it is nearly too late.

I have learned a long time ago to keep my mouth shut and just suck it all deep inside until I find myself crying alone in the dark.

Unable to sleep.

Unable to think.

Knot in my chest making it hard to breath. While the lump in my throat makes it hard to swallow.

Swallow what my pride? Self worth? Dignity? I don’t have any of those things.

I just want the blackness to take me but sleep eludes me even after taking something to help me.

Is there help for me?

Helpless.

Hopeless.

Worthless.

Soon the pain in my head starts to match the pain in my soul.

Physical pain to match the emotional pain.

I am broken beyond repair.


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3 responses to “I Don’t Want to Feel This Way”

  1. If this is about who I think it is PLEASE do not let the jerk get to you. This is what he does to people all the time. send me a message on FB & I’ll fill you in on the folks he’s dumped on.
    R

  2. PepiSmartDog

    When I was alive, I perfected “THe Monkey Shake”; take one toy monkey, grip tightly in strong jaws, shake like hell & growl at the same time, halt, get your breath, re-do the whole thing but even more crazy this time ! Keep repeating until all stress is gone. Place monkey back in toy pile and take a nap. HIGS XXX
    Oh yeah…anf while your doing the “Monkey Shake”, think of the mean one who made you feel bad…..they are the horrible one ! Not you ! HUGS XXX

  3. Bill

    Please remember that just because you feel worthless does not mean you ARE worthless..

    I know this is kind of an old post to comment on, but what I say is still true.

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