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Oct 122012
 

How do you get someone to love you?
I want to hold your hand.
I want to feel your lips against mine.
I want to feel your body next to mine.
I love to be near you.
I don’t want you to leave.
When you do I feel so empty.
I eagerly await the good-bye kiss that never comes.
I love being your friend.
But I want more.
I wish you felt the same way.
I fear you don’t and never will.
I want you as a lover.
I know that I can’t.
I want more than a friendship.
I want. I want! I want?
What do I want?
Does what I want even matter?
What about you?
You want a friend and that’s all.
None of this lover’s shit for you.

Oct 112012
 

You’re such a bitch.
You’re such a bitch.
You’re a terrible, ugly,
Horrible witch.

Get out of my face.
Stay out of my life.
I don’t want you
To be my wife.

I don’t want to be
Seen with you any more.
So leave me alone,
Hurt, pacing the floor.

You’re still a bitch.
You’re still a bitch.
You’re still a terrible,
Ugly witch.

Count your blessings.
So you’re all alone.
You’re still alive
With your heart of stone.

Don’t come near me.
You give me the creeps.
They’re running from you
In bounds and leaps.

Stay away from me.
Get out of my hair.
Whatever you feel
I just don’t care.

Cause you’re a bitch.
A dog-gone bitch.
You’re a terrible,
Horrible, ugly witch.

Oct 102012
 

The cold rough stone
Crudely engraved
With the name of
A soul unsaved.

Buried here in
Hallowed ground.
I wonder how this
Place he found.

His life was ended
By his own hand.
Now he lies in
The dust and sand.

He’ll never see the sunrise
Or hear a bird sing
Or taste the joy
Life has to bring.

Life couldn’t have been
Too good to him
To cause this
Terrible sin.

But it seems that
Death wasn’t the best
For he lies here alone
Set apart from the rest.

Oct 052012
 

You don’t care what you say
Or that you’re hurting me
You just say what you think
That you don’t like What you see

And all I’m trying to say
Is let me be myself
Don’t hide me away or
Make me sit on a shelf

You say I’m odd or strange
That I’m the only one
On God’s green earth
Or under the sun

You really should say county
‘Cause that’ s all you’re looking at
You are always telling me
No one else dresses like that

Hell we live with the Amish
They are unusual too
But you don’t mind them
It is just what I do

We go out together
Which we hardly do
I have to walk far behind
And stay away from you

Something tells me that
If you cared at all
You wouldn’t mind how
I look or what you saw

You’ d love me with
My wild spiked purple hair
And no matter what I
Wore you wouldn’t care

IF only I could call
You Mom in public
Without embarrassing you
Or making you sick

So I stay in the house
And I hardly go out
It is all your fault
I want to scream and shoot

From your point of View
I haven’ t got a friend
So what’s the point of living
It might as well all end

Oct 012012
 

Someone is screaming in pain
Someone is crying for help

Someone’s cry is in vain
Someone’s pain is unseen

It’s a silent kind of cry
And a tear you cannot see

Someone has that look in their eye
Someone has pain in their heart

It is a pain that won’t leave
A pain that just won’t quit

A feeling you can’t deceive
A feeling of helplessness

Someone has a question
Someone is confused

And i n the midst of that confusion
The cry for help is ended

The depression is no longer
The pain will hurt no more

Someone’s mind is no stronger
Someone’s life cannot be mended

Someone’s life has just ended

Sep 292012
 

All you do is bitch and moan
When I’m a nice, decent kid
And I didn’t do nuthin’.
That I shouldn’ta have did

So I don’t clean my room
And I live in a mess
But you don’t have to be
So much like Rudolf Hess.

You think my music’s too loud
And not that religious shit
But is that any reason
To throw a god awful fit?

You yell all day that I
Don’t save any money.
At least I’m not in the
Street doing drugs, honey.

And what is this that you have
Against my hair color?
So it’s a little purple
That’s no reason to holler.

When my clothes aren’t wrinkled
And even when they’re clean
You are still complaining
And you’re still terribly mean.

Sep 282012
 

A bulge of thoughts in my subconscious
I can feel its presence
But I do not understand
I cannot comprehend its meaning
It is there and yet
I’m not totally positive
About its existence
It is a feeling I have
Like knowing you’re being watched
And looking up and seeing no one

Mar 292008
 

I lost my shit tonight

On the floor in the middle of the

Pleasantville Inn

I woke up in the hands of strangers

Worried and concerned

And they didn’t even know me.

Compassion transcends this awkward

Situation, I guess.

Me, regaining consciousness,

Cracking jokes flat on my back

Amber, terrified, whiter than

A bottle of elmer’s glue,

Standing to the side trying not

To see.

The message was clear:

My battalion of patient guardian

Angels gave me a taste

Of the end of the road

I’ve been traveling on,

While I still have time to

Turn around and choose again.

posted march 17,2008 on her myspace page only days before she died

Mar 292008
 

By any other name,

I’d still be a writer

It’s in my heart, my blood, my fingers

Nouns and adjectives, metaphors

And similes pound through my veins.

The way some kids get math,

I get writing

The way some cats can pick up a guitar

And just know what to do,

I can wield a pen and do

Some fabulous damage.

It’s an extension of my being,

An outlet for my soul

Hell, I was writing on the walls

Of the womb.

Bedtime stories

And a love of words

Calvin and Hobbes at an early age

Fostered a talent I have been quick

To acknowledge, but slow to embrace

And it occurred to me the other

Day, the randomest of days,

That squandering this gift,

Not utilizing the talent

To its full blossom

Would be like spitting in the face

of a generous friend.

posted march 18,2008 on her myspace page only days before she died

Mar 292008
 

You never learn to be a good person

You either are or you aren’t

Always born with an old soul,

Recycled and wise,

Able to detect the same in others,

We are a rare breed

Prone to mental, emotional strife

Prone to feeling too deeply,

Drowning in it

You can’t let it overwhelm you,

This gift

It’s meant to be internalized

then passed right on.

It’s a gift meant to be recycled,

A knowledge not to be kept

From the timid minds of the masses

It’s a burden and a blessing

To see visions in the sun,

All the while burning retinas.

posted march 18,2008 on her myspace page only days before she died

Mar 292008
 

In the thick of it,

It’s too dense to make

Out the mistakes before

You commit to them

But there’s always an out,

A loophole you can slip

Through when shit

Gets rough.

In the thick of it,

The blur that is It happening

Can be indistinguishable

From the general static and

Hum of the world.

Travel lightly, and step the same

Give respect, and no one suspects

That under your cloak

There’s a fiercely passionate soul

Planning its attack

Planning to usurp the regime,

To upset the status quo

And make things right in the world.

posted march 18,2008 on her myspace page only days before she died

Mar 292008
 

My father and i

are close at arm’s length

He tells me I embarrass him

Because I wobbled off the

Straight and narrow,

Refused to bleat with the

Rest of the white sheep,

And became black.

My mother and I have

Always been too close

Too close encouraging a bond

That if broken, could kill

She cleaned my bloody wrists

When I tried to let go of life

The first time

The second time made her weary

And it made the nurses cry.

My brother and i

Share a creatively tortured soul

Self-deprecating and wise

But we’ve never been close;

 I don’t think he would

Offer a kidney

Or a loan

Or a hand to hold

If I needed it.

posted march 17,2008 on her myspace page only days before she died

Mar 292008
 

This rabbit beating heart

pupils so dilated they absorb

the world around them

so accurately, so acutely

so much it hurts.

My heart is so swollen

with a passionate taste

For love

A thirst for companionship

and lust

and sex

and philosophical, spiritual, emotional

Fulfillment.

This rabbit beating heart

is strong like hawaiian waves

comes in swells and crashes

Comes hard like a lioness

challenging her prey

Comes hard like the climax

to sex with someone who

understands your soul.

 posted march 6, 2008 on her myspace page