LEGO Brand Retail
May 172010
 

I hate this feeling.

Hopeless.

Helpless.

I don’t want to feel this. Some think I like feeling like this. That I like the attention.

Not true.

There is no attention to be had. This is a very lonely process. I don’t share my feelings until it is nearly too late.

I have learned a long time ago to keep my mouth shut and just suck it all deep inside until I find myself crying alone in the dark.

Unable to sleep.

Unable to think.

Knot in my chest making it hard to breath. While the lump in my throat makes it hard to swallow.

Swallow what my pride? Self worth? Dignity? I don’t have any of those things.

I just want the blackness to take me but sleep eludes me even after taking something to help me.

Is there help for me?

Helpless.

Hopeless.

Worthless.

Soon the pain in my head starts to match the pain in my soul.

Physical pain to match the emotional pain.

I am broken beyond repair.

Mar 132009
 

I haven’t had this bad of a birthday since I was 17 and my parent completely forgot that I had a birthday. Back then they were more concerned about going to California to see their “favorite” daughter that they plum forgot they even had me in March! Traumatic for a seventeen year old, but I survived.

But today is better celebrated as Friday the 13th than my birthday. I think I will just cancel my b-day for today. In fact maybe I will just stop having them altogether.

Jan 302009
 

It has been a month since Mom’s funeral. It is kind of hard to believe it has been that long already. I know it will take time.

I don’t know how I did it, but I got back to work the following week. Tried to keep myself busy. Tried to be there for Dad and keep him busy (although I have been a big slacker in that area this past week).

It has to be the hardest on him. He doesn’t have family here. They are all in Virginia. He spent his life devoted to Mom. He seems so lost without here. We all are.

I miss her terribly.

Jul 032008
 

Today sucked.

This week sucked.

I suck.

My week started out horribly. It never had anything even close to a good point at any point. Then it ended just a horribly.

To be honest I have to wonder why I am still here on this planet.

Not feeling well I went in to drink some milk (hoping it would settle my stomach – it did not). As I was drinking it I noticed some of the magnetic poetry on the fridge.

Drink milk and dream.

Okay so I drank the milk all I need now are the dreams. Will they be nightmares? Most likely I will be trapped, attacked and killed repeatedly during the night. Why shouldn’t my dreams mimic my life?

I hope to be back to my regular bitchy self soon. Either that or just gone.

Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.