LEGO Brand Retail
Nov 202012

This is an ode to the gagged Mrs. Butterworth bottle I had in my bedroom back in the eighties.

Mrs. Butterworth why won’t you talk?
And why won’t you move or walk?
I just want to converse
Nothing odd or perverse
You sit here on my table
I am sure that you are able
But you don’t say a word
Need we teach you like a bird
Has the cat got your tongue
Or need it be sung
I know you’re not a mute
You talk to the man in the suit
I’ve seen you on the telly
You know my name is Kelly
So we’re not strangers
And there are no dangers
In talking to me
Why can’t you see
I want someone to talk to
Why can’t it be you

Nov 192012


I go into the bathroom
And I can’t see
That the tidy bowl man
Is watching me

[not sure who the Ty-D Bowl Man is? He was a company mascot in the 70s.]



Nuclear Wrist Watch

Watch wrist general use
Is what the back said.
I wore it every day
And now I am dead.

What they neglected to
Tell me and what I
Didn’t see before
I started to die

Was the little symbol.
It was hard to see.
In fact it was covered
At a quarter after three.

At first only the numbers
on the watch face glowed,
But the more I wore
it the more it showed.

My wrist changed its color
To an odd shade of green.
Then at night it became
Clear I was easily seen.

My hand started glowing
Then soon so did my arm.
The military said
It would cause no harm.

True it didn’t hurt.
And I was seen at night,
But a glowing human
Just couldn’t be right.

When I found out it was
Killing me slowly I
Knew that I would
Soon have to die.

My wristwatch killed me
And now I am dead.
So tomorrow they’ll bury
Me in a boxed lined with lead.

 The Bug Zapper

Late at night
I leave the house.
I sit on the hood of my car.
I sit there quiet as a mouse.

I sit watching and waiting
Staring at the light.
Waiting for the right moment
When it comes out of the night.

I see it coming from far off.
It is so large and white.
The moth has one thing on its mind
How to get at that light.

It tries and tries again and again
Never reaching but never losing sight
Of that caged in big brilliant light.
If it were me I’d run in fright.

It flies away only to come back flying
Full force it hits mid flight.
There’s a Zap then a crack.
The moth is near dead
Its movement only slight.

Tiny Town

Living in a tiny town
Is just so much fun.
Cruising all night long
Until a quarter to one.
We pull into the Hill.
Oh, Boy what a thrill.

 Mini-Golf or Lawn?

Pink plastic lawn ornaments
And other fun things.
They make me so happy
I just want to sing.

A little lawn jockey.
A big Cement deer.
Two flamingos there..
A flock of ducks here

A large oval birdbath
With one of each kind
Of bird from blue jay
To pelican. Any thing I find.

Three tiny elves live under
A great big giant mushroom
that’s red with yellow dots.
One even has a broom.

A  windmill That goes round
And a fountain that works.
A brick Path to the door.
Keep off the grass you jerks.

A sun dial in the garden.
I even have flowers too.
It’s just so neat sometimes
I just don’t know what to do.

Some people think it’s tacky.
Some people want it off
My lawn. Some have the gall to say
It looks like a place to play mini golf.

The stapler

It’s evil like a snake
Its metal fangs glisten
As it punctures
Its prey
Leaving its fangs
Folded in its victim
It is always ready
with its endless
supply of fangs

 The Date

Take the pain away from me
It hurts so much I can’t see
I see a fly on the wall
Its life almost over its about to Fall
The pain makes it hard to think
I only comprehend the human stink
Of lives like mine being wasted
Never knowing the joys to be tasted
There’s a Fear growing deep inside
A fear that you must run and hide
The Lord said reap what you sow
But just how far does it have to go
Before I can be relieved
I know it is hard to believe
But for some it hurts so much
When your date makes you go dutch
It’s like they do not care
When they make you pay your share
Take this pain away from me
Just this once pay for me

The Fourteen Cent Stamp

There’s a man named
Sinclair Lewis
For some reason he’s famed

He’s someone, but who?
This Sinclair Lewis?
And exactly what did he do?

He doesn’t have the greatest looks
This Sinclair Lewis
Did he write books?


Airplanes are big
Airplanes are Loud
Airplanes go flying
Up above the clouds

Airplanes are noisy
Airplanes are large
Airplanes are like
A big fat barge

Airplanes are huge
Airplanes aren’t quiet
I wonder if I
Could learn to fly it

Oct 292012

Life what do I do
When I can’t handle it?
I go to a graveyard
To be alone and sit

Thinking yet not thinking
Of death and about life
Is it worth going through
All this hardship and strife

The day is soon coming
When I will be here too
Will I be like the rest
Lying forgotten too

I pass a few tombstones
And bend to read the name
Not knowing who he is
Or from where he came

And I wonder to myself
How did he come to this place
To be forgotten in time
Only a name without a face

I pass a new grave
And I feel a bit sad
I ask where are the flowers
And it makes me feel bad

That no one sent flowers
Now a stranger or comes by
To see the blank grave and
With a prayer begins to cry

How lonely the grave must
Be yet how peaceful too
Peace in death where in life
It only did elude

This past Time of mine was
A lonely one for me
Then by chance I found you
To share this side of me

It’s nice to find someone
To share your special times
It gives them more meaning
When they’re more than just mine

Oct 162012

Graveyards at night.
A place of solitude.
A place of fright.

Hidden behind a headstone
Hidden from the world
Just me, here alone.

Alone with the people
Lying here at rest.
Looking at the church steeple

I see the moon
Looking back at me.
A full moon

To light my path.
As I walk through graves
Counting years doing the math.

I wonder if my fear is real.
And why am I afraid?
I’m not here to vandalize or steal.

Yet I’m not afraid of cops.
My fear is for what is here.
What is here? I stop.

To listen. Listen For what?
I’m not sure.
Maybe Death.

Oct 142012

Life’s last sustaining breath
Was taken the day you left
Love’s discerning grasp could not hold you
But for that fleeting moment
At that very moment
My life let go
To live alone is to die
You left me there dying
Unable to pick up the pieces of my heart
Scattered all around me
Lying there unbound within my soul
Both love
And life
Now lost
With life now lost
My soul cries out for unity

Oct 102012
The Cemetery by K Hoffman

The cold rough stone Crudely engraved With the name of A soul unsaved. Buried here in Hallowed ground. I wonder how this Place he found. His life was ended By his own hand. Now he lies in The dust and sand. He’ll never see the sunrise Or hear a bird sing Or taste the joy […]

Oct 012012

Someone is screaming in pain Someone is crying for help Someone’s cry is in vain Someone’s pain is unseen It’s a silent kind of cry And a tear you cannot see Someone has that look in their eye Someone has pain in their heart It is a pain that won’t leave A pain that just […]

Sep 292012

All you do is bitch and moan When I’m a nice, decent kid And I didn’t do nuthin’. That I shouldn’ta have did So I don’t clean my room And I live in a mess But you don’t have to be So much like Rudolf Hess. You think my music’s too loud And not that […]