No one really wants to know what you are feeling or thinking. They only want good news and good reports. So even if you are only telling the truth or say how you are feeling at the time don’t do it. Stop and think before you say or do anything.
Who cares if you are tired of wearing a mask, keep it on. I have found that there are basically four different versions of myself. The real one that usually needs to be locked up, the me for work and family, the me my friends get to see (closest one to the real me) and the me strangers get to see. So while the real me wants to be seen and struggles to do just that I must do everything in my power to keep it safely locked away along with all of my true feelings and thoughts. While my true feelings sometimes come to the surface they always get me in trouble. So from now on I am keeping my mouth shut (that includes my pen to some degree as well).
I need to dust off all those masks and keep reminding myself that I am not allowed to have any feelings, everyone else’s feelings come first even if I must lie to keep them all happy that is what must be done.
So my advice to you all is keep it all bottled up inside let it out at your own risk. But it is all up to you. Release your feelings and risk screwing up your relationships or your job. Keep your feelings in and risk mental and physical illness. Which is worse? I opt for the easy way out slowly killing myself by keeping it all in causing stress, high blood pressure, ulcers, headaches and a constant feeling of nausea. But even to telling you of my physical ailments is breaking my own role (but it is a new rule for me as I usually strive for honesty in every thing I do so it will take me a while to get used to lying all the time).
Since everyone in the known universe is basically sick and tired of me, I have to do something or just curl up and die. I have already started by lying every time someone asks how I am doing. The real answer is a lengthy diatribe about my health since the accident and the slow progress of my recovery or my recent issues with my increasingly worsening allergies or this headache I have had to endure for over four weeks or my blood pressure being high or the ulcer I have because of stress in my life or the depression I am fighting because of everything in my life. But above all else never ever talk about your financial worries no one cares that you can’ t even fill your gas tank let alone that you have medical bills out the wazoo, the only answer people want to hear when they ask “how are you” is fine do not elaborate. Anything beyond fine is too much information. Wish me luck.
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