I hate this feeling.
Hopeless.
Helpless.
I don’t want to feel this. Some think I like feeling like this. That I like the attention.
Not true.
There is no attention to be had. This is a very lonely process. I don’t share my feelings until it is nearly too late.
I have learned a long time ago to keep my mouth shut and just suck it all deep inside until I find myself crying alone in the dark.
Unable to sleep.
Unable to think.
Knot in my chest making it hard to breath. While the lump in my throat makes it hard to swallow.
Swallow what my pride? Self worth? Dignity? I don’t have any of those things.
I just want the blackness to take me but sleep eludes me even after taking something to help me.
Is there help for me?
Helpless.
Hopeless.
Worthless.
Soon the pain in my head starts to match the pain in my soul.
Physical pain to match the emotional pain.
I am broken beyond repair.
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